Brain Fog

Heth wrote: Every have those days were nothing makes sence or you forget things around you like who is that person or what am i saying?
Feel free to share your funny brain moments. We all understand here. :D


yesterday i was at the mall with my friend and we couldn't find my car. i was for sure my car was in this one area. we ended up going back in the mall to figure it out again. (since there is parking all around the mall). then my friend insisted that my car was to the left but i INSISTED that it was to the right thinking i remembered what the mall layout was. we walked my way and i ended up being TOTALLY wrong! its a good thing i was with a close friend instead of a judgmental one. lol.

actually when i have these moments i get REALLY embarrassed. like i go to a bible study and i hate the prayer time cuz i might have to pray or pray with someone. when i go to pray i forget EVERYTHING i was going to say and stumble over my words and say something like"thank you god......thank you...god....um...you know my heart...sorry i cant remember anything right now....amen."

oh and i'm in love with auto spell check on my computer. otherwise noone would understand me. lol

also. my mind feels like every 6 seconds theres like a hiccup or something where okay i'll give an example. i'm sad so i start to cry and then when the 6 second cycle is ending and the next one is starting i have to remember what was going on so i never baul or cry fully about how i'm feeling cuz i have to keep remembering what is going on. this happened last night.

or i just feel dumb for some reason or like handicapped. i upped my meds and this happened last time i upped them too. so my doc gave me the permission to lower it again if i cant handle it. so i did. and i'm feeling sane again but it still sucks.

i guess its not so funny. but sometimes i laugh at the things that i do. what else can you do right? i'd rather be happy than live in misery.

everything i knew i loved i dont enjoy

i find it so sad that i find more enjoyment in cuddling in my blanket, spending hours ironing clothes and nothing else, laying in the grass staring at a tree while listening to music and staring at the stars than anything i love. i love kids, i love dancing, i love art, etc. but when i do those things i dont have enjoyment anymore. its so sad. i dont know why this is happening to me! everything i knew i was i cant find anymore.

also i get distracted really easily now to the point where its overwhelming for me. like i have ADD or something but i was never like that.

i've been fatigued. i dont know really what to call it. my body is awake but my mind is asleep. in a dream state.

today i walked in the heat with my dog for about 1/4 mile and started feeling a little ill. i think that i'm still sick but i've managed it very well with my different supplements and strategies to fight inflamation and such. i used to push myself through it.

fuck it all!

inflamation switching words and stress (generally i'm feeling better)

i'm generally feeing better. i'm using this stuff called BioFreez that my chiropractor gave me samples of for inflamation and I'm taking the Primrose Oil 2x a day.

my anxiety is slightly returning but i think its due to excess energy. i'm switching my words around here and there like yesterday i said bathroom instead of something else completely different.

my stress tolerance level is 0 and my couzin really stressed me yesterday. i feel bad because i want to be there for people who need people but i can't like my ability is not there anymore.

also i decided despite being worried i'm on the wrong treatment plan I will stick with my antibiotics and my doctor in the meantime. when he takes me off the meds a few days will go by and i will relapse. then he will probably try another med when i will suggesst Levaniquin or something like that...

AT LEAST i'm happy

I cant sleep tonight because of all the things going through my head

anticipation of scrapbooking
maybing talking with my mom again
wanting to dance
wanting to work
wanting to be something more
the apointment tomorrow about my dog with the housing office...eek
the fact that i will probably miss the apointment because if i wake up still tired the rest of the day is shot for me.

i have to tell myself to at least take the summer OFF!!!!!!!!! doing NOTHING!!! i can't take that chance of pushing myself and then i just end up in the roller coaster again. But i dream of what i could do with the money.....basically all related to my health and enjoyment (cuz if i can enjoy somethings then that will improve my health).

Today i made an apointment with the allergist (again) but this time i asked for more than just the regular allergy test. I asked if they tested for food allergies and molds and stuff and that I wanted those as well. So i'm defintely having more confidence.

My tack board is now filled. I dont know if i can fill it any more than it is. The thing is I will notice things much better if they are up there rather than in a pile somewhere. it has actually done me good so far! I look at it a couple times a day just cuz i do that sort of thing. I have a few encouraging things up there as well. so it works out.

okay i was fatigued/ well really more sleepy really today. i have like sharp stabbing shooting pains through my head and neck but its nothing compared what its like usually. I was able to get a few things done, clean up a bunch and relax a bunch. I felt like i made some goals and plans for myself and accomplished things today.

so now i have a few hobbies possibly. so its good.