happy update

i noticed that my blogs were depressing so I wanted to let everyone know the good things coming out of this. I'm slowly able to to more and more. My mom and I are trading Saturdays and going to each others home to help clean/organize. i had gone to the ER the first week i started work and the doc took an xray of my lower spine which showed that the only thing noticeable was that my tailbone was straight instead of curved. The doctor said I have bad back spasms though and prescribed muscle relaxers and pain medicine which I was not able to afford. but all in all I'm doing better. I'm trying to relax my back as much as possible, not rush etc.

We still need insurance. Probably going to go with student health insurance. the safe route. but not sure yet. we'll see. any suggestions?

unhappy and unsatisfied

but i feel unsatisfied and unhappy but mostly unsatisfied. i'm not sure why. i think it has alot to do with my health and how i used to be and how i am very limited now.

for example i cant even enjoy you know with my hubby because i get muscle exhaustion. i cant enjoy housework because now i work 4 hours a day and come home feeling unwell. i cant just get up and enjoy life anymore. all i can do is go online and go on the computer and go out sometimes and go to work now (my first week). every action i take and every goal i set is limited by my health.

I used to dance. before i got really sick i realized what i love the most is dancing. now i cant do it :-(

what to do?

my first step i think is going to join the ymca. they have arthritis swim and chair classes so we'll see.

the last two weeks

i went to the doc and he told me to take double my meds. as a result i've had an overall increase in symptoms. i had some marital problems that did get resolved but i hurt my neck in the process. so i started going to the chiropractor at my school which is really cheap. hes done this combo therapy on my neck and slowly getting my neck and back to a place that he can start doing other stuff. its been helpful. but the last few days have been pretty bad. mentally i couldnt take the double meds i was getting confused and couldnt think straight and i still cant but it was so bad. and felt weak and ill and i still do. my hands and feet hurt alot. and this other thing i'm not sure is related whatsoever but my nipples hurt. i decided to drop any dance class and just take the 3 communication disorder classes. i wont be able to handle it at all. maybe i need to move on. its sad. the reason is i was enrolled in a 3 unit intermediate ballet class that i had last semester which i really like the teacher and she would most likely be lenient on me and stuff but i'm afraid i wont be able to catch up at all and it would be too much too fast. if only she had an easier class. but the other dance teacher seems kinda tough. any absence or late or non dress counts. and they are each 1 unit so i would have to take 3 and thats too much. with papers and stuff not worth it.

i really want a maid to come like once a month. i think it would help me a great deal. my husband and i are going to get a car for me. maybe a 98-99 jaguar xj6 or something similar. if we take good care of it in about 20 years it would be a classic. which is always good. we just have to be committed to the repairs. but yeah i need a car to go to school even if its a block away. i'm just too sick. also the doc approved me for a temporary handicapped parking thing, now if i can only find the paperwork he sent me...aye aye aye lyme brain!!!!

AT LEAST i'm happy

I cant sleep tonight because of all the things going through my head

anticipation of scrapbooking
maybing talking with my mom again
wanting to dance
wanting to work
wanting to be something more
the apointment tomorrow about my dog with the housing office...eek
the fact that i will probably miss the apointment because if i wake up still tired the rest of the day is shot for me.

i have to tell myself to at least take the summer OFF!!!!!!!!! doing NOTHING!!! i can't take that chance of pushing myself and then i just end up in the roller coaster again. But i dream of what i could do with the money.....basically all related to my health and enjoyment (cuz if i can enjoy somethings then that will improve my health).

Today i made an apointment with the allergist (again) but this time i asked for more than just the regular allergy test. I asked if they tested for food allergies and molds and stuff and that I wanted those as well. So i'm defintely having more confidence.

My tack board is now filled. I dont know if i can fill it any more than it is. The thing is I will notice things much better if they are up there rather than in a pile somewhere. it has actually done me good so far! I look at it a couple times a day just cuz i do that sort of thing. I have a few encouraging things up there as well. so it works out.

okay i was fatigued/ well really more sleepy really today. i have like sharp stabbing shooting pains through my head and neck but its nothing compared what its like usually. I was able to get a few things done, clean up a bunch and relax a bunch. I felt like i made some goals and plans for myself and accomplished things today.

so now i have a few hobbies possibly. so its good.