attack

So I had a really bad attack last night. its 4am and I'm still nauseated and my back still hurts but it's calmed down alot. I just have to be careful so I don't aggravate it. I wonder if its because i tried a basic ballet class on Saturday. I don't really know what brings it on. It felt like that night I went to the ER. so i wrapped myself in a heating blanket on the couch and distracted myself with television. I felt like I was on the verge of throwing up for hours.Any type of position felt like pressure shooting up my spine. I still feel it but I don't know. UGH!

I am in line for this new job as a preschool teacher. It's perfect. I would work in the mornings and have my own class of 3 year olds. Its a small class and I would do whatever I wanted. I just hope I can handle mornings because mornings are really hard for me. I have a hard time waking up and staying awake. I don't want to look lazy and I want to give them all my attention. At least I'm not an assistant because that would put more pressure on me to perform and I would have to do heavy lifting.

I am so stressed out too. I need to see my therapist but she's been booked. I might have to see someone else. Thats good too because even though the rest of the therapists in her office are Christians I am pretty sure she is not.

some pain relief

finally got some pain relief by sitting on a chair backwards literally on my crotch :-(

i dont know how i'm going to get by like this. i start work tomorrow and i'm starting school in a month.

i might have to invest in one of these kneeling chairs with a cushion/pillow.

health update

So I want to update everyone on my health. Its been a tough ride!

I'm feeling alot better now. My lab work shows no signs of any infection.

I'm starting a part time job next week at an afterschool program. I don't know yet which school it will be.

I'm starting school again for summer. I'm changing my major to psychology although I absolutely loved Communication Disorders! But that major was like taking a midterm every week in every class. There was no break. And it's too hard on my body. Psychology is a big major at CSUN so I can choose which teachers and what times I want classes. I will be graduating hopefully next spring!

I started acupuncture which has been helping my pain and sleep.

I hope to get health insurance soon so that I can see a few more doctors. My back is really messed up, I noticed I feel much better after eating salty foods, and i still get those pressure headaches and migraines.

I have chronic fatigue syndrome now because of the infection but I'm able to manage it fine, though I can't do any aerobic exercise.

I've had to work through all my feelings in regards to becomming sick which I hope to continue doing, because it changes your life dramatically.

And I hope that people will call me and hang out with me soon, cuz i miss everyone!

AT LEAST i'm happy

I cant sleep tonight because of all the things going through my head

anticipation of scrapbooking
maybing talking with my mom again
wanting to dance
wanting to work
wanting to be something more
the apointment tomorrow about my dog with the housing office...eek
the fact that i will probably miss the apointment because if i wake up still tired the rest of the day is shot for me.

i have to tell myself to at least take the summer OFF!!!!!!!!! doing NOTHING!!! i can't take that chance of pushing myself and then i just end up in the roller coaster again. But i dream of what i could do with the money.....basically all related to my health and enjoyment (cuz if i can enjoy somethings then that will improve my health).

Today i made an apointment with the allergist (again) but this time i asked for more than just the regular allergy test. I asked if they tested for food allergies and molds and stuff and that I wanted those as well. So i'm defintely having more confidence.

My tack board is now filled. I dont know if i can fill it any more than it is. The thing is I will notice things much better if they are up there rather than in a pile somewhere. it has actually done me good so far! I look at it a couple times a day just cuz i do that sort of thing. I have a few encouraging things up there as well. so it works out.

okay i was fatigued/ well really more sleepy really today. i have like sharp stabbing shooting pains through my head and neck but its nothing compared what its like usually. I was able to get a few things done, clean up a bunch and relax a bunch. I felt like i made some goals and plans for myself and accomplished things today.

so now i have a few hobbies possibly. so its good.