Heth wrote: Every have those days were nothing makes sence or you forget things around you like who is that person or what am i saying?
Feel free to share your funny brain moments. We all understand here. :D
yesterday i was at the mall with my friend and we couldn't find my car. i was for sure my car was in this one area. we ended up going back in the mall to figure it out again. (since there is parking all around the mall). then my friend insisted that my car was to the left but i INSISTED that it was to the right thinking i remembered what the mall layout was. we walked my way and i ended up being TOTALLY wrong! its a good thing i was with a close friend instead of a judgmental one. lol.
actually when i have these moments i get REALLY embarrassed. like i go to a bible study and i hate the prayer time cuz i might have to pray or pray with someone. when i go to pray i forget EVERYTHING i was going to say and stumble over my words and say something like"thank you god......thank you...god....um...you know my heart...sorry i cant remember anything right now....amen."
oh and i'm in love with auto spell check on my computer. otherwise noone would understand me. lol
also. my mind feels like every 6 seconds theres like a hiccup or something where okay i'll give an example. i'm sad so i start to cry and then when the 6 second cycle is ending and the next one is starting i have to remember what was going on so i never baul or cry fully about how i'm feeling cuz i have to keep remembering what is going on. this happened last night.
or i just feel dumb for some reason or like handicapped. i upped my meds and this happened last time i upped them too. so my doc gave me the permission to lower it again if i cant handle it. so i did. and i'm feeling sane again but it still sucks.
i guess its not so funny. but sometimes i laugh at the things that i do. what else can you do right? i'd rather be happy than live in misery.
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1 year ago
3 comments:
Courtney, all of those things happen to me too. I mean very specifically, including praying with someone during bible study [I'm dead serious], and getting lost at the Mall with a close friend, and thinking I knew where my car was, when in the end I didn't. It was sad, and I too was embarrassed. I say things all the time that make me look stupid, especially to those who don't know me.
While it's improved substantially, it was a lot worse, and now it's just "worse" -- It's gone from really bad, to just plain bad. It's a slow recovery, and very frustrating. I've forgotten to pull my parking brake and watched my car [5 speed] roll down a parking spot into a metal fence. I've confused people's names, calling people by someone else's name, when I "know" their real name.
What else? While driving I've forgotten directions that I know and have used multiple times. Of course I have to treat every event like I'm the guy from Momento. I have to write everything down and keep tedious notes. I've programmed myself extensively to have a system that reminds me to remind me to remind me to remind me to write down the very notes I need to write down!
I think the best part is when debating and trying to remember exactly what you argued 1 minute ago in order that you don't repeat yourself, and or contradict yourself using incorrect semantics that give off even a subtle aroma of "possibility" of your having meant something else, and thus the other person jumps at the chance to "Misunderstand" -- it's done intentionally during debates as a way for the opponent to gain ground that they've lost as you've argued a point. I call it "derailing". They'd rather the topic change and be totally a crash and burn than to concede they didn't debate effectively. So they use my weaknesses from the Lyme to attempt things like that! It pisses me off.
Know it all's who point out my "Lyme moments" piss me off probably more than anything else though. If I use incorrect grammar, speak inappropriately, forget a name, contradict myself, or if I do something which is entirely bizarre, like losing my sunglasses not one minute after I put them on my face. "I can't find my sunglasses? Where are they?" "You're wearing them you fuckin' moron, god you're stupid, you just put them on, don't you remember?"
Every normal human being "occasionally" does what we're doing, the problem is we're doing it far more than "occasionally" -- and that's what people in our lives don't always seem to grasp. Some people make fun of me, and I get very angry. I don't want to get angry and say or do something I'll regret so I turn it around and I said:
Me: You wouldn't make fun of someone crippled with Alzheimers, would you?
Them: Well no, I wouldn't.
Me: Would you make fun of anyone with any disease they didn't bring on themselves?
Them: Uh, no, what's your fuckin' point?
Me: Clearly *you've* forgotten I have Lyme Disease. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Them: *silence*
Me: Don't you ever make fun of my disability again, or you and I will be parting ways as friends.
Them: Ok....
This really happened. I take this shit seriously, this thing nearly took my life, and its easy to forget during the mundane moments when something "seemingly" trivial happens such as forgetting a name, a parking break, a trunk lid, forgetting where I am, or where I am going or even a scheduled appointment -- but these are all manifestations of the disesease.
My personality is not a forgetful one, as I obsess about being on time, doing things right, remembering names [as it creates rapport and respect], and certainly never getting lost because I've printed directions in advance, and sometimes even taken the trip in advance just to make sure I'd get it right the next time.
So yeah, I get a little pissed off when it happens. I don't mind joking here with you guys in the support group, sometimes, as it helps alleviate my stress to "need" to be normal when I'm obviously not, but outside in the world, I demand respect, I'm at war with them just like I am with this disease.
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While it's improved substantially, it was a lot worse, and now it's just "worse" -- It's gone from really bad, to just plain bad. It's a slow recovery, and very frustrating. I've forgotten to pull my parking brake and watched my car [5 speed] roll down a parking spot into a metal fence. I've confused people's names, calling people by someone else's name, when I "know" their real name. >
Like putting Steve's luggage in the trunk and driving off without closing the trunk??
... or like me telling the 6 month old to do something and not being able to figure out why he's not doing it???
I used to laugh at Katie when she had those moments but, I'm getting them more and more and it's not as funny anymore. I stared at my husband for about 10 minutes this morning simply trying to remember his name... this isn't good. We've been married for 32 years. I should know these things.
It's scarey but, if you don't laugh at yourself, it's horrifying. Thank God I had Mike to explain what Katie was experiencing when she started with them. I never dreamed I'd be fighting the same thing only a year later... So, keep a stiff upper lip and remember, it's better to talk to yourself to remind yourself what you're doing than it is to stay quiet and wander away with someone else's husband....
God bless
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