i find it so sad that i find more enjoyment in cuddling in my blanket, spending hours ironing clothes and nothing else, laying in the grass staring at a tree while listening to music and staring at the stars than anything i love. i love kids, i love dancing, i love art, etc. but when i do those things i dont have enjoyment anymore. its so sad. i dont know why this is happening to me! everything i knew i was i cant find anymore.
also i get distracted really easily now to the point where its overwhelming for me. like i have ADD or something but i was never like that.
i've been fatigued. i dont know really what to call it. my body is awake but my mind is asleep. in a dream state.
today i walked in the heat with my dog for about 1/4 mile and started feeling a little ill. i think that i'm still sick but i've managed it very well with my different supplements and strategies to fight inflamation and such. i used to push myself through it.
fuck it all!
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1 year ago
6 comments:
Depression, as well as being ill.
An anxiety disorder is likely triggering an ADD like patterns. Infection is probably driving most of this, especially if it came out of nowhere.
Exhaustion, brain fog, and probably severe insomnia, again as a result of the infection.
Sleep medications focused on this issue would be useful.
You need better treatment and to design a better team of doctors who work around Dr. G's diagnosis. Psychiatry would be the first stop, to help stablize your sleep pattern and help alleviate some of the depression. You're going through a lot, between social, medical and financial burdens, on top of an illness which is known to cause Depression directly, you have the perfect cocktail, so I suggest therapy.
the problem is i'm really calm. i dont feel that depressed feeling that i know so well cuz i do have a depression disorder but i've managed it to the point where i know whether its depresssion or not. maybe. i requested antidepressants from the doctor and he refused to give them to me because they would mess with my treatment (prob cuz bartonella is involved) idk. i sleep like 9 hours a night. i cant sleep till about 2-3 am and i wake up around 11am the next day. sometimes i have insomnia but i dont feel i do right now. i'm thinking part of my problem is i'm used to getting excited about feeling less pain. so when a symptom is relieved slightly enough so i can do one more activity a day i get really happy. maybe the pain and sickness is still there but low enough where i dont feel it especially when i dont push myself. i feel the opposite of anxiety almost like extreemly calm. like in a hypnotic state.
I'm confident in my recommendations, however you know yourself best so do what you feel will best serve your interest and recovery. I'm here if you need ideas, advice, or just an ear.
ooh i figured it out today. you know that feeling when you wake up in the morning before your fully awake? your like in a zone? well its like that for me all day long.
Hi Courtney, I'm around too if you ever need to talk to someone :) Hope you feel better.
What your describing is what they call "brain fog". Really really common in Lyme.
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