Today

So i woke up at 6:15am to realize that I needed to go to my doctors office for my 7:15 appointment. Mike was still asleep. I yelled at him to get up because i couldn't get up myself. He was supposed to wake me up cuz i am too ill right now. and he stayed asleep making excuses for his behavior! meanwhile I'm hurt because I'm the only advocate in my life and I'm not doing that great of a job. we got in a fight where i was yelling screaming throwing shoes and hangers around while he tried to sleep. then i left him alone for a while. He woke up and tried to apologize to me but it wasn't good enough.
so then he walked outside to the car while saying "2 minutes" a minute later he sped off. i was so hurt i bawled. then i called him and he finally came back to get me.
I drove him to work so that later i might be able to go to the docs office. I dropped him off and he was being mean to me. anyways it kinda ended okay i guess. then i drove to the grocery store to get a few things. It killed me. oh my gosh it wiped me out. i was achy the rest of the day. i went home and canceled my doc appointment. i had another one close to here for a maybe PCP at 4:30 so that might happen. i watched some movies then my friends came over just in time for me to go to my doc appointment. they cheered me up. well mike called me and said it was cool that they come over for a while and with a sound that made me think that it really would be okay.
went to the PCP to see what help he had. I think i accomplished a couple things with this appointment. 1: made an ally 2: got confidence to ask for things i need 3: realize that PCP's are useless with Lyme.
When I got home with my friends my husband was already there. so my friends and i got some food to bring home. i wasn't feeling hot at all! we got back and he had 3 different bouquets of tulips out. it was so nice. so yeah we made up.
but anyways i felt like shit still. my lymph nodes hurt, my body aches, and my stomach hurts.
i ate a good amount of food and got some rest.
Elizabeth's mom came to pick my friends up and she prayed for me. her husband has the cancer stage 4. but she said to me that it was okay to ask for healing. and she had me try to visualize myself well. The first time it was hard and i couldn't do it. the second time i got to see myself cleaning and not being exhausted like i get on a GREAT day which i haven't had but I've had like an hour maybe on a GREAT day. but when i got to the dancing part i felt heaviness and pain and burning all to break me down i just couldn't visualize it!
and its hard for me to think that its okay to ask for healing because one day we will all die.
so i don't know. my lymph nodes hurt right now. i went with mike to Wallgreens to pick up some Epsom salt and there everything hurt. even the touch of my nail to my ear hurt really bad. i had to walk slowly and crouch over a few times to take the pain.