About this Blog
~Hi, my name is Courtney. I was a full time college student, starting to be a dancer, and used to work with kids part time, living on my own until my illness disabled me.
~I became sick in 2005. I created this blog in the summer of 2006 to record my "headache" diary and to see if anyone finds it interesting.
~12/2006 I lost my job then after, failed a year of college.
~2/2007 Dx Lyme Disease with Bartonella: prescribed 8 months of oral antibiotics. I'm not even sure if I ever had the Lyme Disease.
~11/2007 The doctor took me off medicines while I was still improving but not fully recovered.
~6/2008 Dx Chiari I Malformation by a neurosurgeon in Beverly Hills.
~8/2008 Decompression and Lamenectomy helped 80% of my problems.
~2/2009 Dx Hypermobility by an Orthopedic Surgeon/School Doc: Started PT, dancing, going to school and working.
~6/2009 Started working full time as an Infant-Toddler teacher, which requires lifting. Dancing part time, maybe I'll finish school eventually...lol
~12/2009 Dx Chronic Sinusitis: Stopped dancing due to constant infections.
~2/2010 Sinus Surgery & complication: Severe Epistaxis: Became severely anemic.
~3/2010: Dx Ehlers Danlos Syndrome: by Geneticist
~4/2011: Switched jobs, now work at a Pre-K teacher for 3 and 4 year olds. Less lifting!
~5/2011: Started PT and exercising again
does your stress disable you? from PTSD Healthboards.com
I feel like i go in and out of reality so often that i cant focus or go to school clean house... i wish i could just think away all my problems and then boom i'm back to happy me who could manage a job full time school and be independent. it takes so much energy to hype myself up to go to school and study. then i just stress and want to get away from it all again. right now the only calm i have is if i zone out. but then i'm not productive. i feel weak emotionally. like i tell myself "comon courtney! get yourself together, dont be so selfish and be responsible. act like an adult!" but i just can't. it doesnt help that last week in therapy i left feeling like i just opened up a can and its only going to start spilling out. but i cant help but think that i will always be this way and its only my fault.
can anyone relate?
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1 comment:
Yes, sometimes I feel like and can't function in life. Sometimes I have really vivid nightmares or flashbacks that send me reeling and I have to call in sick to work or hide out in my house and not go out. I don't get anything done when I'm like that....I use the phase that "I can't function in life" when I'm like that....it can be terrifying....it can be so frustrating because I KNOW the things I need to be doing and want to be doing and just can't focus my mind/emotions/life enough to function properly.......My whole body and mind just kind of shut down...it's a protection technique, I think.......
I don't have any answers but know that you are not alone....
Hang in there and keep fighting.....don't ever give up.....
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