stages of chronic illness

Stage 4 – Depression

Realizing how dramatically their lifestyle has changed, FM patients experience depression. They wonder how they are going to live the rest of their lives, and feel utterly hopeless about their situation. Realize that there will be good days and bad days, that pacing can help prevent FM flares, and that there is life after FM.

i dont have fibro but thats the stage i'm in in this moment. i feel like i've been wasting my life away this last year feeling ill. i've done alot but its so disapointing to sit here and realize that its going by so quickly and so quickly in pain. i have malaise (i think, just feeling ill all the time) cant work and now its affecting my going to school, clean the house go out to dinner even. it was a depressing feeling realizing my wedding is next month and will i be able to dance? feel good after walking the few steps down the isle? will i be so ill that morning i want to just cancel it all? what about my honeymoon? what about school, do i have to take all online classes? what about not being able to think clearly cuz i feel so ill? and then i'll turn 50 like my parents just did and my whole life wasted.

i'm either trying to figure out whats wrong with me while lying here on the couch (the only thing i can do) or distract myself. how depressing! good grief. bah humbug.